I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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