Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This is the high leading the old right now
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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