I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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