I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
