Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
