Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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