Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
