i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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