I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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