there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
