i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
