Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize