shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
