Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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