No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
