He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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