who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
