i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
