i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
