Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
