haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
