I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
