I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
