You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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