i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
