Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is Oprah even human
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
