I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
whose parrot is this?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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