I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize