I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize