got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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