I wish I only lived at night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I love you. Go after that dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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