my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
