You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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