i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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