I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
