His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
