is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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