My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
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