I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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