Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
