im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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