If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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