I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
