I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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