did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
