i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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