upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
