dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i came on her dog
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
