is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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