Where did you get a picture of my penis
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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