right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
being pregnant is like rehab
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize