I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
