Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
