I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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