We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
