happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I forget how to act sober
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
