Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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