im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When did angry sex become our thing?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
