we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize