just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
