I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize