once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
