she woke up with a sticky ear
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
