woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
