I accidentally had phone sex last night
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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