we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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