Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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