mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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