had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
