he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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