just tell him i said nine months
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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